Poki Blog

Death Between the Eclipses

For the past several months, I haven't been able to significantly move the Nodilus Project forward, as if its energy was pulling me towards the Earth to better understand how to manifest its vision. As I stepped backwards to get a better perspective, things got more and more blurry. How could an online tool be possibly designed to foster a regreening of our lives and community? How could such a tool be easy, popular and fun to use? What angle could we take to get a broad appeal?
During that time, I started a vegetable garden and have been meticulously tending to it. For the past few weeks, I have been eating kale, radishes, zucchini squash, arugula, mustard greens, chard and a variety of salads. Our 50-year old apricot tree, having survived a vicious late snow storm, has been gifting us with an abundant harvest. I have been busy freezing apricots to bake fruit crisps during our long winter months.
Between the recent two eclipses, my system suddenly shut down, and for several days I experienced the deepest of depression and body aches. I could barely move, and stayed in bed crying, waking up with anxiety and fear. I also had several explosions of rage. All I could do was water the garden.
Something happened upon resurfacing. I sensed that what I had been taken through was an initiation. I got pushed so far down that all I could do was surrender. I prayed to be shown what I needed to do to serve the Earth and its creatures.
What I got upon my return from the abyss of doubt and fear, was that we needed to re-learn how to care for myself and the body of the Earth. That the best way to initiate that process was to start growing our own food in a respectful/sacred way, close to our urban centers and in our backyards. The process of tending the soil, planting, waiting, harvesting and sharing the abundance with friends and neighbors was the key to re-establishing a harmonious connection with the Earth and re-patterning the torn fabric of community.
I am happy today. Ready to re-enter the creative stream with a new focus on food security as the entry point for the Nodilus project.